What is a trauma bond?

A trauma bond is where with time and subtly the abuser or perpetrator starts to show toxic traits in the relationship. It is difficult to explain this experience as it has been mine in my recent personal life but I will try my best to make it simple so that you can relate and get help for it. Some of the early signs you will start noticing is they will start to control your time and attention meaning you won't recongnise this but slowly you will start feeling isolated from your family and friends. A healthy relationship helps you to expand it will not allow you to shrink in any capacity or form. You may ask well every culture has different kinds of normalcy of healthy so what's the baseline ? The Baseline is - if the person you are dating or the friend you have is from a healthy family or has a healthy mindset they will respect your time, your emotions, your thoughts, your actions and in fact they will encourage you and RECIPROCATE the same kindness and affection that you give to them. Please note the word I have typed in bold -- every dynamic is different yes it is but reciprocity is the hallmark

of a relationship where you see growth and expansiveness.

Some of the signs to look out for are in a trauma bond are:

• The emotional regulation starts coming onto you.

• Their fears and insecurities gets projected on you.

• Their purpose and wants takes center stage and yours is neglected or sidelined or you get manipulated to enough for them to say - it's the same thing.

• You end up managing their stress.

• You feel physically drained after talking to them or just after spending time with them

• It becomes very difficult to explain a simple concept of normalcy since their mind can't comprehend it.

These are early signs now why it's so difficult to come out of a trauma bond is because of the intermittent times of intense bonding. They act kind, loving, they may get you gifts, cook for you or take you out or have great sex etc and then the cycle repeats when their insecurities get triggered. This can be once in two weeks, once in a week, once in a day or daily thing in some cases. if the manipulation is severe it is as good as being with someone who has a narcissist cadence.

How do these kind of abusers/predators/predators prey on people? If you are an empath with no boundaries it is very telling with how much you pour into them by that I mean just by the ability for you to understand them and by you giving your attention they can easily asses and know they can emotionally utilise you as a punching bag. If you are a people pleaser, all the more to please them you will alter your life and schedule to manage their needs and not yours. If you are a person who has abandonment wounds and you fear being alone -- best believe they will use that aspect to make sure during the bonding phase that you have the best time and then act in a toxic way for you think that it's okay if it's once in a while this is normal or you hope they change. In most cases such a individuals don't change or seek help. The moment you advise or suggest for therapy you may see them react adversly or you get called crazy instead. Because of the strong bonding they put you through in those intervals you do end loving them and having loyalty towards them to the point where whatever your family says you defend their actions or their mistreatment towards you.

I understand what you are going through and how difficult it feels to leave them, but the moment you decide to leave them please leave and cut all contact with them. Yes there will be many gruelling nights where you feel that toxicity was better than being alone, Yes you will feel very tempted in reaching out to them and yes you will feel who else will love you the way they did. There are plenty of healthy examples out there to show you otherwise. If you are reading this and you have made it to the end - you are a wonderful soul. I see you and I feel you. i can help you if you wish to be helped or please seek a professional licensed therapist who is trauma informed to help you. You deserve love, security, and safety in all aspects just like everyone else.

Now I leave it upto you to decide which path you will walk on. I hope which ever path you take, you are safe and you are protected. Take care my friend.